Category Archives: Life & Stuff

Let’s Talk About Comparisons

Today, I just wanted to talk freely about my problem with comparisons. When I say comparisons, I mean comparing where you’re at in your life to where other people are. Comparing what you’ve done or what you have to other people. Getting jealous or angry or bitter about what you think you lack.

I have a HUGE problem with this, I confess.

One of the things I’m trying out is not beating myself up for comparing or getting jealous, though, because that’s not healthy either. Instead, I’m recognising that I’m doing it, and doing a few things to stop it. This is things like writing a list of what I’m grateful for in my own life. Writing a list of the good things about myself. Writing a list of achievements or experiences that were important. Etcetera, etcetera.

Others things that I do is make sure to smile, breathe, and say that I am happy for that other person. Like my little sister has just spent a month on her own travelling in Thailand. It was an exceptional trip and of course, I’ve felt very jealous. However, when I feel the jealousy seeping in where I just want to scream and block her on Snapchat, I smile and breathe and say, “wow, she’s had an amazing trip, my baby sister, and she deserves it. And my time will come.”

Another great thing to do is put things into perspective. Take my sister as an example again. I know for sure that I wouldn’t have done what she has done. Maybe I could have gone to Thailand alone for a while, but a month? I’m not so sure. Plus, the things she’s done are extraordinary but it’s nice to do those things with someone else (in my opinion), and so I’d rather wait and do them with my partner when we’re able to. See? Perspective. I’ve wasted energy and harmed my mental health by comparing and getting jealous of the fact that she’s travelled alone and done great things when in reality, that’s not what I’d want to do anyway!

We’re all guilty of doing this. We get jealous of what others have; for example, their flashy cars that we wouldn’t even buy if we had the money to do so anyway! Or we compare our simpler lives to people who are out all the time, when in actuality, we may be introverts who don’t thrive in those environments anyway, so it wouldn’t be something that would actually make us happy!

I’ve found myself jealous of people on my social media for having all these friends to party with or whatever, but I don’t even like parties! I don’t need or want loads of friends, either! I love my own space; I thrive in alone time, and so I have friends that I see now and again, and I have my partner who’s there every morning and evening, but other than that – I wanna be alone, man! So, why do I hurt myself with comparisons?

And why do you do it?

When we put them into perspective, we often realise that they make no sense. Even when they are justified, like comparing your B grade to your friend’s A grade, we still can’t allow it to continue. How is comparing and getting sad going to serve you? It’s only going to make you feel rubbish. So, let it happen, but recognise that you’re doing it and stop yourself in your tracks.

Say, “hey, they got an A and I didn’t, but that just means it’s their subject not mine, or they revised harder, or they test well and I don’t. It doesn’t mean I am less-than or that I’m going to fail in life. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Plus, a B is pretty great too!

It is natural to compare sometimes or get jealous, but try these things that I’m trying to do when I get jealous, too:

  • Set goals to help you get what you actually want, anyway, therefore you won’t be jealous because you’ll have it too.
  • Use those people you’re jealous of as inspiration instead of a source of anger.
  • Do a social media cleanse and either get off it or unfollow the people who make you feel jealous and don’t actually serve any good to you.
  • Have visual stimuli for what you want from life, so that you work hard to manifest it, and so that you have something else to focus on instead of people who have what you don’t. This could be dream boards, vision boards, photographs, mindmaps, photos on your phone, quotations, etc.
  • Change the dialogue. Change “I’m so jealous of her/him” to “I want what they have, and I will do this and that to get it” or “I’m happy for them.”
  • Give yourself a reality check. We all know that no one posts about or talks about the problems in their lives. We all share our highlights, our best parts. So don’t compare your internal dialogue, your past, your down days (etc.) to someone else’s social media feed which only features the best parts of their life. There’s a lot more going on behind the scenes than you realise.
  • Remember money and material things does NOT equal health and happiness.
  • Remember that you have enough and are enough already. There’s someone out there (probably loads of someones or the very someone that you’re jealous of) who is actually jealous of you and what you have.
  • Stop looking outward, and start looking inward. If you’re focusing on your life, your health and happiness, your wants and dreams, your passions, you won’t have any time left to be looking elsewhere and getting jealous anyway.

If you need any help in bettering your mental health, or better coping with anxiety, depression, and stress, then my book “You’re As Mad As I Am” may be for you. Check it out here, and download a free sample to see what it’s all about.

If you want to hire me to write about mental health (or other), then don’t hesitate to get in touch!

Missing Sunglasses Metaphor

Today, I’ve been squinting to the point of a headache due to accidentally leaving my sunglasses at home. It gave me a dreadful headache and dry eyes and generally put me in an even worse mood than I already was, which ruined what could have been a nice day.

But the sunglasses were in my bag the whole time…

My first instinct was to cry in frustration and beat myself up for being so dumb. But then I began to see it as a metaphor.

Something I needed dearly, and would have helped rectify my day to an extent, was with me the whole time. The only problem was, I didn’t look for it.

I had the tools to change my situation, my mood, and my day with me all along.

This is deeply profound because this is so true for all of us and all our lives. Oftentimes, we have the tools and the power to rectify a bad vibe or situation, yet we don’t use them. We don’t seek them. We don’t look passed the bad.

If I’d looked in my bag and remembered that I’m a pretty prepared young woman, who would naturally her sunglasses always in her bag, I could have changed things. My mood would have soothed, even by a little.

Gosh, guys, how silly?!

We need to remember that we always carry with us the tools to help ourselves. There’s truly no need to suffer. Just look within. Just look, and see what you might find…

“Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck” Thoughts

This book wasn’t very unique, or life-changing (as the title says) to me, but I loved it all the same. It kind of felt like a long blog post, but I love blog posts that inspire thought and get you thinking about changing your life, which this book did for me.

Here are some thoughts that the book inspired:

  • It’s OK to reserve your energy for important things (things that are important to you, your way of life, or the people you truly love and care about).
  • It’s OK to prioritise, and it’s OK if other people aren’t happy with your priorities.
  • People-pleasing and caring what people think is at the root of all our wasted f*cks and energy, so cut it out.
  • Your life will work so much better if you stop doing random crap for others that brings you no joy or fulfillment.
  • It’s OK not to give to people who wouldn’t do the same, people you don’t know, or people who are just takers.
  • It’s OK to only do what aligns with who you are and what you want instead of giving energy (and sometimes time and money, too) to things that you don’t like, upset you, bother you, or aren’t YOU.
  • If you don’t care about makeup and fashion; if you don’t care about the latest celebrities; if you don’t care about classical literature; if you don’t care about the latest games or films; whatever it is, if you don’t care about it, that’s OK! Stop giving those f*cks or pretending to; do you, it’s easier and it feels so good!

This is an oversimplification of what the book represents and what I took from it, but giving less f*cks, or as I like to put it, “giving away less of your energy” to non-important things is truly liberating. You will find that it will free up your time for what matters, making your life not only run better, but give you time for manifesting your dreams (for example) which is much better than going to your friend of a friend’s graduation party when you hate parties and don’t know anyone.

These things also help with your mental health, as it’s stressful and exhausting trying to bend over backward to fit in, or please people, or help everyone out. I’m sorry (well, I’m not, as the book says) but it’s not your job to fix or run other people’s lives. It doesn’t make you an arsehole for trying to reserve time and energy for what’s important to you, so do what you need to do for you and your health and your dreams and your passions. Anyone who tries to prevent that is the arsehole, in my opinion!

I used to try to help everyone, be everyone’s hero, and carry everyone. I used to bend over and do whatever others wanted. Well, no more. I have to reserve my f*cks for bettering me and my life from now on…sorry, not sorry.

If you need any help in bettering your mental health, or better coping with anxiety, depression, and stress, then my book “You’re As Mad As I Am” may be for you. Check it out here, and download a free sample to see what it’s all about.

If you want to hire me to write about mental health (or other), then don’t hesitate to get in touch!

Being in a Relationship & Mental Health

There is no right way to live your life. If you’re single, it doesn’t mean you’re unlovable or alone. If you’re in a relationship, it doesn’t mean you’re not an independent person. Let go of these ridiculous ideas, firstly.

The only time that being one or the other is bad is if it is affecting your mental health. Firstly, let’s start with being single. If you’re always single, and can’t seem to settle down no matter how many perfectly great people come into your life and show an interest, there may be something off with your mental health. You could be experiencing a fear of commitment. You could be insecure or be suffering from low self-esteem, where you feel you aren’t worthy of being in a relationship or being loved by someone else. You may be experiencing deep-rooted feelings of self-loathing or fear of relationships due to abuse or past experiences.

If so, be honest with yourself.

Ask yourself if you’re single because you want to be (or because the right person hasn’t come along) or because of a more serious reason. If you feel like it may be something more serious, then speak to a friend or speak to a doctor. They will help you to deal with these thoughts, feelings, behaviours, or past experiences in a healthy way. Then, your mental health will be in a stronger position for a potential relationship, should you want one.

Being single can affect your mental health in some common ways, like feeling as though you’re never going to find “the one”, you’re not good enough, or you’re better off alone. These are very negative but are some common feelings and thoughts amongst some single people. But cut it out. On the other hand, some people find themselves to be more independent when single and able to be wholly themselves – this is good. As long as you feel good and honestly intentive about your position, that is positive.

*Please note, also, that if you’re single but you were in a relationship that didn’t work out, you need to accept where you’re at and work on you. Try not to hold on to the past or beat yourself up. You deserve self-love, always, and only through practicing self-love will the right relationship manifest in the right way with the right person.*

On the flipside, being single is good for your mental health for the following reasons. One, you can explore yourself and your desires more freely. Two, you can literally explore the world without having to consult with a partner. And three, you get to put all your wants and needs above all else (within reason). This is not to say that you should want to be single because it’s better than being in a relationship, though! Everyone is different, and of course, life happens in mysterious ways so being single or not isn’t always our choice, is it?! Plus, read on to see what being in a relationship and mental health have to do with each other.

If you are in a relationship, it can affect your mental health in many ways. Firstly, the negative (because ending on a positive is always good). You could be in a codependent relationship, where you feel you NEED them to an unhealthy extent. This is referred to as attachment issues and is not healthy for your mind at all to cling to someone, only do what they do, and basically turn into them when in a relationship. A relationship should be about two independent individuals sharing the life experience together. (In my opinion, that’s a healthy relationship).

If you are in a relationship where your partner doesn’t support your dreams and pursuits, you are likely to feel defeated and quit. This is awful. Sometimes people remain in relationships for the pure fear that being alone is worse. Again, this is awful and is no reason to be in a relationship. It’s better to be single and potentially go through some changes and uncertainty and anxiety for a while, in order to set yourself free and open yourself up to goodness and positivity instead. You deserve it.

Of course, there’s the more serious side of things – abuse. Abuse can be emotional, physical, verbal, cyber, sexual, mental, and so on. Abuse isn’t simply hitting a person. If your partner is constantly rude to you, makes you feel low, is saying awful things to you, and forces you to think badly about yourself, then they are abusive. They are blackening your mentality. They are hurting you, without you realising it, by slowly chipping away at your confidence, your personality, and your spirit. This is not OK, and cannot continue. Please end such relationships (with any kind of abuse, big or small) or seek the help you may need to do so.

Another few things to consider about your relationship and your mental health:

  • Does your partner support your dreams?
  • Do they encourage you to grow and explore and be more YOU?
  • Do you even get along? Do you fight too much?
  • Do your family members and friends like them? Do you cut people off because of your partner?
  • Do your trust them? Do they trust you?
  • Does your partner use words like ugly, fat, stupid, boring, weak, loser, or useless on you?
  • Does your partner make offhand remarks that hurt your feelings, but then say it’s a joke to make it seem OK when it’s not?
  • Does your partner limit you in any way? Like not leaving the house without them, not wearing what you want to, not doing what you want to do?

If any of these things are sounding negative to you, then please end the relationship, speak to your partner to fix it, or seek help (from friends, family, or professionals).

*Here is a link to an abuse helpline should you need it.*

On the other hand, being in a relationship can be wonderful for your mental health, too. This is through things like supporting your dreams either with their time, energy, money, listening, or advise. Having a partner to lean on in hard times can be really beneficial, and keep you from collapsing in on yourself. Two people tackling the world together can be stronger and better than one. This is not to say that single people can’t take on the world, but we all need help whether that’s from friends or family, too.

Here are a few ways a good, healthy relationship can be beneficial to your mental health:

  • Partners can make you feel good about yourself with a simple compliment when you really need it.
  • They can be your shoulder to cry on whenever you need them.
  • Someone who accepts you in your entirety; someone you can be vulnerable with, naked with, and be unapologetically YOU.
  • Someone to share your likes, pursuits, travels, dreams, family, and more with.
  • Someone to build a LIFE with; family, home, lifestyle, travels, business, etc.
  • Someone to just sit in silence with, or watch boring TV with, or play games with, or cuddle with, just…BE together.
  • Someone to listen to your incessant ramblings.
  • Someone to hold your hand as you do you. (I for one don’t like the damsel in distress, prince saving the girl kind of tale. Be your own hero; your partner is just someone who helps remind you now and again that you got this life thing, and you’re doing OK).
  • Someone who you can look after, too, because it’s a two-way street.

Again, this is not an encouragement to go out and find someone to start a relationship with. I am a firm believer in bettering and strengthening and loving the Self first before entering a relationship. You will never be perfect or ready or DONE when on the path to bettering yourself, but I mean when you focus on you and your dreams, you will be mentally stronger and spiritually aligned with the universe and so you’ll attract the right people to you, as well as be better equipped to be in a loving, giving, wholesome relationship anyway.

So, take care of you, and what will be, will be.

A quick last word will be that whether you’re in a relationship or not, you should care about your mental health. Care about whether your relationship is constantly darkening your mentality. Care about whether being single is something you want or something you feel you are because you’re not in the right mentality. Relationships are HUGE factors that influence our mental health. Therefore, we can’t take them lightly. We can’t go in and out of them without paying attention to who we are letting in and what dirt they are treading through our minds. Be mindful.

Take care, be kind, love yourself.

If you need any help in bettering your mental health, or better coping with anxiety, depression, and stress, then my book “You’re As Mad As I Am” may be for you. Check it out here, and download a free sample to see what it’s all about.

If you want to hire me to write about mental health (or other), then don’t hesitate to get in touch!

I Now Have a Lifestyle Podcast!

Hey guys, I now have a podcast called “What I Know So Far”, where I talk about bettering your life, your mindset, and your mental health. If that interests you, then check it out here on Anchor (soon to be available elsewhere, too). Thanks!

What I Know So Far podcast by Siana-Rose Crawford on Anchor

What I Know So Far on Overcast app

What I Know So Far on Apple Podcasts

Remind Yourself That You’re Enough

I know that my mental health weakens when I compare myself to others, get jealous of others, fail or fall short, or don’t do “enough”.

Well, the best way to combat this is to remind yourself that you’re enough. Remind yourself of the awesomeness that you’ve already achieved or seen or experienced.

We can feel like we’re not enough when things aren’t happening right now, but we forget that we had a great experience or achieved something great a year ago or a month ago. Stop being so against yourself. You’re amazing. You’ve done great things, and great things are yet to come…

Remind yourself monthly or every weekly of what you’ve achieved. Of where you’ve been and what you’ve done. Remind yourself that your life as a whole isn’t as bad as you think, just because right now it isn’t sunshine and rainbows.

Let go of expectations. Let go of comparison.

The best way to do that is to not go on social media. I’m trying to start my day by not looking at my phone right away, otherwise I know I’ll probably see someone doing great things on social media and it will make me feel crap and then it’ll set the wrong tone for my day. So you need to not do this, too.

Have a constant list of great things about yourself. A list of achievements. A list of things that make you feel good. And regularly look over this list. I have a “sad times” book that I go to when I feel down and it’s full of quotes that make me feel good, lists of things I’ve overcome and achieved and like about myself, and generally all feel good things. It’s a way to effortlessly remind myself with my own words that I’m okay, I’m good, I’m enough.

Let go. Let it be. Trust in the course of life.

So, if you’re feeling low, remind yourself of what’s real about you and your life. Remember that you’re not alone, not as lost as you think, and not a failure or disappointment. Remind yourself that you’re enough, you’re on a path to something, and growing pains do hurt but it’s a part of the process of growth.

Breathe. Laugh. Live.

If you need any help in bettering your mental health, or better coping with anxiety, depression, and stress, then my book “You’re As Mad As I Am” may be for you. Check it out here, and download a free sample to see what it’s all about.

If you want to hire me to write about mental health (or other), then don’t hesitate to get in touch!

Big Fat List of Self-Love & Mental Health Strengthening Techniques

  • Exercise regularly
  • Yoga practice (however and whichever works for you)
  • Meditation (again, however and whenever works for you; sitting in quiet is all you need to do)
  • Eat well
  • Watch your favourite show
  • Favourite film
  • Read
  • Read your favourite book
  • Stretch
  • Plants and nature (in your home, workplace, garden etc)
  • Get outside
  • Go for walks
  • Good music
  • Dance like crazy
  • Baths
  • Aromatherapy
  • Plenty of water
  • Journal
  • Problem solving
  • Reflection
  • Communicate
  • So what you WANT to do
  • Don’t try to fix others
  • Focus on you
  • Quit comparisons
  • Clean up
  • Declutter your space
  • Redecorate
  • Nap
  • Affirmations
  • Go for a destination-less drive
  • Be creative
  • Mindfulness practice (be in the now)
  • Work on setting exciting goals or desires
  • Socialise with good people
  • Play a game
  • Turn off your phone
  • Turn off notifications from social media; avoid scrolling through
  • Make a change; stop moaning, take action for a better, healthier life
  • Help others (without losing yourself or giving too much)
  • Create something or nurture something
  • Be with loved ones
  • Watch inspirational YouTube videos, films, tv shows
  • Listen to inspirational and motivational and educational podcasts and videos
  • Focus on feelings you want, less on goals and changing yourself
  • Speak to a higher being
  • Write a list of good things about yourself
  • Write a list of things you like; make sure you do them more

If you need any help in bettering your mental health, or better coping with anxiety, depression, and stress, then my book “You’re As Mad As I Am” may be for you. Check it out here, and download a free sample to see what it’s all about.

If you want to hire me to write about mental health (or other), then don’t hesitate to get in touch!