Tag Archives: mental health

Let’s Talk About Comparisons

Today, I just wanted to talk freely about my problem with comparisons. When I say comparisons, I mean comparing where you’re at in your life to where other people are. Comparing what you’ve done or what you have to other people. Getting jealous or angry or bitter about what you think you lack.

I have a HUGE problem with this, I confess.

One of the things I’m trying out is not beating myself up for comparing or getting jealous, though, because that’s not healthy either. Instead, I’m recognising that I’m doing it, and doing a few things to stop it. This is things like writing a list of what I’m grateful for in my own life. Writing a list of the good things about myself. Writing a list of achievements or experiences that were important. Etcetera, etcetera.

Others things that I do is make sure to smile, breathe, and say that I am happy for that other person. Like my little sister has just spent a month on her own travelling in Thailand. It was an exceptional trip and of course, I’ve felt very jealous. However, when I feel the jealousy seeping in where I just want to scream and block her on Snapchat, I smile and breathe and say, “wow, she’s had an amazing trip, my baby sister, and she deserves it. And my time will come.”

Another great thing to do is put things into perspective. Take my sister as an example again. I know for sure that I wouldn’t have done what she has done. Maybe I could have gone to Thailand alone for a while, but a month? I’m not so sure. Plus, the things she’s done are extraordinary but it’s nice to do those things with someone else (in my opinion), and so I’d rather wait and do them with my partner when we’re able to. See? Perspective. I’ve wasted energy and harmed my mental health by comparing and getting jealous of the fact that she’s travelled alone and done great things when in reality, that’s not what I’d want to do anyway!

We’re all guilty of doing this. We get jealous of what others have; for example, their flashy cars that we wouldn’t even buy if we had the money to do so anyway! Or we compare our simpler lives to people who are out all the time, when in actuality, we may be introverts who don’t thrive in those environments anyway, so it wouldn’t be something that would actually make us happy!

I’ve found myself jealous of people on my social media for having all these friends to party with or whatever, but I don’t even like parties! I don’t need or want loads of friends, either! I love my own space; I thrive in alone time, and so I have friends that I see now and again, and I have my partner who’s there every morning and evening, but other than that – I wanna be alone, man! So, why do I hurt myself with comparisons?

And why do you do it?

When we put them into perspective, we often realise that they make no sense. Even when they are justified, like comparing your B grade to your friend’s A grade, we still can’t allow it to continue. How is comparing and getting sad going to serve you? It’s only going to make you feel rubbish. So, let it happen, but recognise that you’re doing it and stop yourself in your tracks.

Say, “hey, they got an A and I didn’t, but that just means it’s their subject not mine, or they revised harder, or they test well and I don’t. It doesn’t mean I am less-than or that I’m going to fail in life. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Plus, a B is pretty great too!

It is natural to compare sometimes or get jealous, but try these things that I’m trying to do when I get jealous, too:

  • Set goals to help you get what you actually want, anyway, therefore you won’t be jealous because you’ll have it too.
  • Use those people you’re jealous of as inspiration instead of a source of anger.
  • Do a social media cleanse and either get off it or unfollow the people who make you feel jealous and don’t actually serve any good to you.
  • Have visual stimuli for what you want from life, so that you work hard to manifest it, and so that you have something else to focus on instead of people who have what you don’t. This could be dream boards, vision boards, photographs, mindmaps, photos on your phone, quotations, etc.
  • Change the dialogue. Change “I’m so jealous of her/him” to “I want what they have, and I will do this and that to get it” or “I’m happy for them.”
  • Give yourself a reality check. We all know that no one posts about or talks about the problems in their lives. We all share our highlights, our best parts. So don’t compare your internal dialogue, your past, your down days (etc.) to someone else’s social media feed which only features the best parts of their life. There’s a lot more going on behind the scenes than you realise.
  • Remember money and material things does NOT equal health and happiness.
  • Remember that you have enough and are enough already. There’s someone out there (probably loads of someones or the very someone that you’re jealous of) who is actually jealous of you and what you have.
  • Stop looking outward, and start looking inward. If you’re focusing on your life, your health and happiness, your wants and dreams, your passions, you won’t have any time left to be looking elsewhere and getting jealous anyway.

If you need any help in bettering your mental health, or better coping with anxiety, depression, and stress, then my book “You’re As Mad As I Am” may be for you. Check it out here, and download a free sample to see what it’s all about.

If you want to hire me to write about mental health (or other), then don’t hesitate to get in touch!

Missing Sunglasses Metaphor

Today, I’ve been squinting to the point of a headache due to accidentally leaving my sunglasses at home. It gave me a dreadful headache and dry eyes and generally put me in an even worse mood than I already was, which ruined what could have been a nice day.

But the sunglasses were in my bag the whole time…

My first instinct was to cry in frustration and beat myself up for being so dumb. But then I began to see it as a metaphor.

Something I needed dearly, and would have helped rectify my day to an extent, was with me the whole time. The only problem was, I didn’t look for it.

I had the tools to change my situation, my mood, and my day with me all along.

This is deeply profound because this is so true for all of us and all our lives. Oftentimes, we have the tools and the power to rectify a bad vibe or situation, yet we don’t use them. We don’t seek them. We don’t look passed the bad.

If I’d looked in my bag and remembered that I’m a pretty prepared young woman, who would naturally her sunglasses always in her bag, I could have changed things. My mood would have soothed, even by a little.

Gosh, guys, how silly?!

We need to remember that we always carry with us the tools to help ourselves. There’s truly no need to suffer. Just look within. Just look, and see what you might find…

“I’m just tired” – Poem

How are you?” You ask

I’m just tired

I say.

Again.

Except, hidden in those words

Is so much more pain.

Something much deeper than

just tired” could ever be.

Cuz I’m tired of being tired

Tired of needless drama

Tired of being in pain

Tired of pretending to be stronger than I am

Tired of being strong for other people

Tired of fixing everyone else’s problems

Tired of worrying

Tired of being used

Tired of feeling scared

Tired of crying

Tired of doubts

Tired of insecurities that won’t let up

Tired of comparisons

Tired of overthinking

Tired of being seen as a villain

Tired of other people’s problems becoming my own

Tired of caring

Tired of others not caring about what I have to say

Tired of being disappointed and dissatisfied

Tired of being wrong

Tired of being judged

Tired of being used

Tired of trying to be pretty enough

Tired of being stupid

Tired of a world that doesn’t understand

Tired of a society not fit for my personality

Tired of losing

Tired of failing

Tired of waking

Tired of trying

Tired of being emotional

Tired of being “too sensitive

Tired of seeing hate and pain in the world

Tired of writing poor sentences

Tired of trying to be motivated

Tired of being everyone’s hero

Tired of feeling out of place

Tired of the ridicule

Tired of jokes that just aren’t funny

Tired of proving myself

Tired of the fear of the unknown

Tired of the millions of thoughts I have each second

Tired of being jealous

Tired of not being enough

Tired of the universe’s games

Tired of the constant trials

Tired of being uncertain

Tired of rejection

Tired of setting alarms

Tired of trying to be better than yesterday

Tired of lacking outfits

Tired of being unappreciated

Tired of being seen as less-than

Tired of being shaped into someone I’m not

Tired of fake smiles

Tired of biting my tongue

Tired of being alone

Tired of being crowded

Tired of forcing productivity

Tired of having to explain myself

Tired of explanations not being enough

Tired of being afraid

Tired of being sick

Tired of feeling weak

Tired of being treated like a child

Tired of being treated like I’m fragile

Tired of the hustle

Tired of working hard to no avail

Tired of mistakes

Tired of never doing or being enough

Tired of writing why I’m tired

And so I’ll stop.

You want me to stop,

Don’t you?

No one truly cares

Enough.

No one wants to know

What you’re really feeling.

And so, I guess

I’m fine,

I’m just tired.

“Don’t Underestimate Me” – Poem

I may go through life,

A little unsure.

But still I walk,

I run, I soar.

My hands might shake,

And my body may burn.

But with every move,

Your respect I will earn.

Because I’m powerful.

Beautiful.

A goddess unseen.

There’s no rules for me,

I break them.

My words,

They may jumble.

My voice,

It may stutter.

But still,

I speak.

I speak.

I speak.

So tell me how,

Does that make me weak?

Do I look like,

I need your help?

I got this.

All my life,

I’ve worked for me.

I’ve loved me.

I’ve been there for

Me.

So now, I don’t need,

Your micromanagement,

Your incessant pulls and pushes.

You’re breaking me.

You’re making me,

Doubt myself.

Injecting poison,

Leaving only weeds.

Let me go.

Let me grow.

I am stronger,

Than you think.

I am smarter,

Than you think.

I am braver,

Than you think.

I am me.

I’m a monument,

Behold me.

I’m a queen,

Hail me.

I’m a warrior,

Fear me.

I’m a freaking Titan.

Don’t you dare minimise,

Me.

Being in a Relationship & Mental Health

There is no right way to live your life. If you’re single, it doesn’t mean you’re unlovable or alone. If you’re in a relationship, it doesn’t mean you’re not an independent person. Let go of these ridiculous ideas, firstly.

The only time that being one or the other is bad is if it is affecting your mental health. Firstly, let’s start with being single. If you’re always single, and can’t seem to settle down no matter how many perfectly great people come into your life and show an interest, there may be something off with your mental health. You could be experiencing a fear of commitment. You could be insecure or be suffering from low self-esteem, where you feel you aren’t worthy of being in a relationship or being loved by someone else. You may be experiencing deep-rooted feelings of self-loathing or fear of relationships due to abuse or past experiences.

If so, be honest with yourself.

Ask yourself if you’re single because you want to be (or because the right person hasn’t come along) or because of a more serious reason. If you feel like it may be something more serious, then speak to a friend or speak to a doctor. They will help you to deal with these thoughts, feelings, behaviours, or past experiences in a healthy way. Then, your mental health will be in a stronger position for a potential relationship, should you want one.

Being single can affect your mental health in some common ways, like feeling as though you’re never going to find “the one”, you’re not good enough, or you’re better off alone. These are very negative but are some common feelings and thoughts amongst some single people. But cut it out. On the other hand, some people find themselves to be more independent when single and able to be wholly themselves – this is good. As long as you feel good and honestly intentive about your position, that is positive.

*Please note, also, that if you’re single but you were in a relationship that didn’t work out, you need to accept where you’re at and work on you. Try not to hold on to the past or beat yourself up. You deserve self-love, always, and only through practicing self-love will the right relationship manifest in the right way with the right person.*

On the flipside, being single is good for your mental health for the following reasons. One, you can explore yourself and your desires more freely. Two, you can literally explore the world without having to consult with a partner. And three, you get to put all your wants and needs above all else (within reason). This is not to say that you should want to be single because it’s better than being in a relationship, though! Everyone is different, and of course, life happens in mysterious ways so being single or not isn’t always our choice, is it?! Plus, read on to see what being in a relationship and mental health have to do with each other.

If you are in a relationship, it can affect your mental health in many ways. Firstly, the negative (because ending on a positive is always good). You could be in a codependent relationship, where you feel you NEED them to an unhealthy extent. This is referred to as attachment issues and is not healthy for your mind at all to cling to someone, only do what they do, and basically turn into them when in a relationship. A relationship should be about two independent individuals sharing the life experience together. (In my opinion, that’s a healthy relationship).

If you are in a relationship where your partner doesn’t support your dreams and pursuits, you are likely to feel defeated and quit. This is awful. Sometimes people remain in relationships for the pure fear that being alone is worse. Again, this is awful and is no reason to be in a relationship. It’s better to be single and potentially go through some changes and uncertainty and anxiety for a while, in order to set yourself free and open yourself up to goodness and positivity instead. You deserve it.

Of course, there’s the more serious side of things – abuse. Abuse can be emotional, physical, verbal, cyber, sexual, mental, and so on. Abuse isn’t simply hitting a person. If your partner is constantly rude to you, makes you feel low, is saying awful things to you, and forces you to think badly about yourself, then they are abusive. They are blackening your mentality. They are hurting you, without you realising it, by slowly chipping away at your confidence, your personality, and your spirit. This is not OK, and cannot continue. Please end such relationships (with any kind of abuse, big or small) or seek the help you may need to do so.

Another few things to consider about your relationship and your mental health:

  • Does your partner support your dreams?
  • Do they encourage you to grow and explore and be more YOU?
  • Do you even get along? Do you fight too much?
  • Do your family members and friends like them? Do you cut people off because of your partner?
  • Do your trust them? Do they trust you?
  • Does your partner use words like ugly, fat, stupid, boring, weak, loser, or useless on you?
  • Does your partner make offhand remarks that hurt your feelings, but then say it’s a joke to make it seem OK when it’s not?
  • Does your partner limit you in any way? Like not leaving the house without them, not wearing what you want to, not doing what you want to do?

If any of these things are sounding negative to you, then please end the relationship, speak to your partner to fix it, or seek help (from friends, family, or professionals).

*Here is a link to an abuse helpline should you need it.*

On the other hand, being in a relationship can be wonderful for your mental health, too. This is through things like supporting your dreams either with their time, energy, money, listening, or advise. Having a partner to lean on in hard times can be really beneficial, and keep you from collapsing in on yourself. Two people tackling the world together can be stronger and better than one. This is not to say that single people can’t take on the world, but we all need help whether that’s from friends or family, too.

Here are a few ways a good, healthy relationship can be beneficial to your mental health:

  • Partners can make you feel good about yourself with a simple compliment when you really need it.
  • They can be your shoulder to cry on whenever you need them.
  • Someone who accepts you in your entirety; someone you can be vulnerable with, naked with, and be unapologetically YOU.
  • Someone to share your likes, pursuits, travels, dreams, family, and more with.
  • Someone to build a LIFE with; family, home, lifestyle, travels, business, etc.
  • Someone to just sit in silence with, or watch boring TV with, or play games with, or cuddle with, just…BE together.
  • Someone to listen to your incessant ramblings.
  • Someone to hold your hand as you do you. (I for one don’t like the damsel in distress, prince saving the girl kind of tale. Be your own hero; your partner is just someone who helps remind you now and again that you got this life thing, and you’re doing OK).
  • Someone who you can look after, too, because it’s a two-way street.
  • (ANY OF THESE THINGS CAN BE DONE WITH A GOOD FRIEND, REALLY…)

Again, this is not an encouragement to go out and find someone to start a relationship with. I am a firm believer in bettering and strengthening and loving the Self first before entering a relationship. You will never be perfect or ready or DONE when on the path to bettering yourself, but I mean when you focus on you and your dreams, you will be mentally stronger and spiritually aligned with the universe and so you’ll attract the right people to you, as well as be better equipped to be in a loving, giving, wholesome relationship anyway.

So, take care of you, and what will be, will be.

A quick last word will be that whether you’re in a relationship or not, you should care about your mental health. Care about whether your relationship is constantly darkening your mentality. Care about whether being single is something you want or something you feel you are because you’re not in the right mentality. Relationships are HUGE factors that influence our mental health. Therefore, we can’t take them lightly. We can’t go in and out of them without paying attention to who we are letting in and what dirt they are treading through our minds. Be mindful.

Take care, be kind, love yourself.

If you need any help in bettering your mental health, or better coping with anxiety, depression, and stress, then my book “You’re As Mad As I Am” may be for you. Check it out here, and download a free sample to see what it’s all about.

If you want to hire me to write about mental health (or other), then don’t hesitate to get in touch!

“There’s No Room” – Poem

There’s no room to grow,

Within these four walls.

These hallowed halls,

Ring too loudly

Of the past.

 

There’s no room to breathe,

Among these toxic fumes,

That have been festering,

For years,

Within the minds

Of my family.

 

There’s no room to heal,

When the black clouds do grow,

Casting a shadow that covers

The entirety of our “home”.

 

There’s no room to change,

When everything else

Remains the same.

Everyone else,

Unbending, but altogether

Broken.

 

There’s no room to dream,

When they all push their

Nightmares onto others.

The wrongs overpower the rights,

It seems.

 

There’s no room for flight,

My wings remain crumpled,

And fractured,

Unable to spread wide and beautiful.

Unable to fly and see,

The world for all that it is.

 

There’s no room in this place,

No room for me.

No room for my big dreams,

No room for my progressive moves.

No room for my cleansing attitude.

No room for my bending mind.

No room for my soothing words.

No room. No room. No room.

 

And so, I must leave.

 

I must spread my wings,

And like a bird,

I must seek

A place where I am free.

The perfect environment in which,

To plant my seeds.

And water them I will.

Water them I will.

Until I grow anew.

And then,

Perhaps,

I shall return home.

With a smile and a body,

Too big to fit through the door.

But I’ll peer inside and see,

They’re doing just fine without

Me.

We needed the space to grow,

Each of us.

By leaving, you had more room,

Too.

And so now, the house and the people,

They’re not quite as small as they used to be.

We are tall. We are tall. We are tall.

What Society Thinks of Mental Health

*This is my opinion, taken from my own feelings and experiences and the experiences of people I know who suffer from poor mental health too.*

You should just get over it

Not everyone feels this way, but I’ve heard so many people say that they feel people who suffer from anxiety or depression are simply weak. That they can’t handle their emotions or life in general. “Everyone has bad days, so just move on.”

This isn’t what mental illness is. Anxiety does not equal nervousness. And depression does not equal sadness. I feel that a lack of education about mental health, or a lack of experience with it, would be the only reason why someone would think this way.

It’s not as important as physical health

For me, this is crazy. The thing is, if we care about our mental health more, we will be better equipped to deal with everything else in life, and we will actually be better at looking after our physical health, too. Everything starts in the mind, so, take care of it. Simple.

Mental health = mental illness

When people say mental health, they don’t mean mental illness. Just like when you say physical health, you don’t mean a physical disability. No. Mental health means caring about the state of the mind. Nurturing it, working it, loving it, moulding it. Therefore, mental health is for everyone. Don’t only start caring about mental health once it’s too late and you do suffer from ill mental health.

Mental health practices are for hippies

I’m paraphrasing, but people often think that spirituality or yoga or meditation or mindfulness are hippie dippie techniques. They’re not. Don’t be so closed minded. These things help so many people, ill or otherwise. Ask any successful person in this world, and they’ll tell you that they probably meditate or do yoga or practice some form of spirituality at some point in their week. It helps us stretch the mind, body and spirit and better align them in order to feel stronger and go at life with everything we’ve got. Plus, don’t knock it till you’ve tried it. But if they’re really not for you, there’s so many other ways that you can strength your mind on a regular basis to better your mental health.

Mentally ill people are crazy

Crazy is such an awful word. Yes, some point with extreme mental handicaps can come off are unstable, irrational, or impulsive, but ask yourself who is this worse for? You, or them? They have to live with it. It’s their reality and they didn’t ask for it. So who are you to come along and make things worse by calling them crazy?

Plus, mental health issues or mental illness covers a large umbrella of illnesses and disorders, from the common ones like anxiety and depression, then bipolar disorder or eating disorders, as well as the more severe ones like schizophrenia, disassociation disorders, personality disorders, and more complicated ones that some of us haven’t even heard of.

So no, people with poor mental health aren’t crazy. Not all of them are unstable, in fact the majority aren’t, and the ones who are don’t need your judgment – they have enough to deal with. Why not turn it into support or education or simply mind your own business.

It’s not a priority for children

Luckily, this is changing in some schools, but I for one know that my life may have been different if mental health and well-being was practiced or at least talked about in schools. This would help children grow into healthy adults who are better equipped to deal with life’s lashes. Similarly, if the various mental handicaps that can occur in people were taught in schools, students may be diagnosed sooner, feel less judged, be better understood, and generally live a less stigmatised life.

Education is, after all, everything. It can give so much to us, if only it would give mental health more light…

Thank you for reading. You are a part of this society and so if you make a change in your mindset and better educate yourself about mental health, you will be effectively changing the world for the better for future generations.

So, please do…

If you need any help in bettering your mental health, or better coping with anxiety, depression, and stress, then my book “You’re As Mad As I Am” may be for you. Check it out here, and download a free sample to see what it’s all about.

If you want to hire me to write about mental health (or other), then don’t hesitate to get in touch!